


Basketball and Mashed Potatoes: An Oral Not!fic

by canarypods (canarywrites), Elle_dubs (avril_o), klb, mahons_ondine, semperfiona, sobieru



Category: High School Musical (Movies), 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)
Genre: Everybody Lives, M/M, Maybe a touch of Home Alone AU?, Oral Not!Fic, The power of musicals, Transcript Included, collaborative storytelling, teen beach au, there's singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28516968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canarywrites/pseuds/canarypods, https://archiveofourown.org/users/avril_o/pseuds/Elle_dubs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/klb/pseuds/klb, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahons_ondine/pseuds/mahons_ondine, https://archiveofourown.org/users/semperfiona/pseuds/semperfiona, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sobieru/pseuds/sobieru
Summary: What if, during the ambush at Qiongqi Path, when the second flute melody starts to play, it... magically transports everybody into a musical? Specifically,High School Musical. *jazz hands*An Untamed/High School Musical/Teen Beach Movie mash-up. Some singing included!
Relationships: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1
Collections: Voiceteam Mystery Box 2020





	Basketball and Mashed Potatoes: An Oral Not!fic

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for:  
> -Chinese characters temporarily transported to a Western setting, storytold by people much more familiar with Western cultures than Chinese cultures  
> -Temporary memory loss due to a character being hit on the head with a basketball

## Streaming Audio

## Download

  * [MP3](https://archive.org/download/basketball-and-mashed-potatoes-an-oral-notfic/Basketball%20and%20Mashed%20Potatoes%20An%20Oral%20Notfic.mp3) | **Size:** 33 MB | **Duration:** 42:23

| 

Cover Art by Luna.  
  
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## Transcript

This is "Basketball and Mashed Potatoes," an oral not!fic... The Untamed/Teen Beach AU/High School Musical mashup. Told by Canarypods, Elle_dubs, Klb, Mahons_ondine, Semperfiona, and Sobieru.

 **Craig** : Now recording

 **Klb** : What if the second flute, the second melody, doesn't do what it's supposed to, and summon another demon and, you know, make Jin Guangyao's plots happen, but instead accidentally sweeps them all into a musical. So the moment that they're on—either of the two times where there's a second flute—they're in the middle of this gory battle, the second flute starts playing, and instead of evil plans happening, they suddenly all end up in a musical.

 **Semperfiona** : Well, make it the first time and this can be a fix-it, and the second battle never has to happen at all.

 **Klb** : Fantastic, so here's who ends up in the musical then.

 **Semperfiona** : Jin Zixun, and Jin Zixuan, and Wen Ning, and Wei Wuxian, and Lan Wangji, 'cause that's who's there.

 **Klb** : Absolutely. And is Su She the one who plays the music secretly? He's also sucked into the musical.

 **Semperfiona** : Sure. Yeah. 

**Klb** : Okay, second question: what is the musical?

 **Elle_dubs** : It could be the High School Musicals.

 **Semperfiona** : Musical about musicals, clearly, yeah.

 **Canarypods** : Musicalception.

 **Luna** : This is too meta!

 **Klb** : So they're in the middle of a battle. Things are getting very heated. Suddenly, there's a second flute melody. They all look around wondering where it comes from. And bam, they're suddenly in the middle of the halls of—what's that high school?

 **Canarypods** : East High

 **Klb** : of East High

 **Canarypods** : During the specific moment of Stick to the Status Quo. While everybody's just banging on tables, and they're just like, what the hell is happening?

 **Semperfiona** : And see, I was thinking it would be sort of amusing if they landed in the cafeteria in the middle of a food fight. And had to like adjust between getting mashed potatoes in the face and swords. You know?

 **Klb** : Right, none of their swords come with them. So they're all like trying to combat these mashed potatoes. And they got nothing. Otherwise, they would just kill all the high schoolers instantly. Maybe their swords could come in some kind of transformed form?

 **Luna** : Like hockey sticks?

 **Mahons_ondine** : Oh my god.

 **Klb** : Or like all their swords become letter jackets that have the name of the sword on the back.

 **Semperfiona** : I totally dig that. And in their appropriate colors.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Yes

 **Luna** : Yes!

 **Semperfiona** : So they appear to be rival school students who just dropped into this cafeteria because they're not wearing East High's colors, are they?

 **Canarypods** : Them being the West High Knights, compared to their East High Wildcats?

 **Klb** : So everybody is going to turn and immediately start—like, end their food fight and all start throwing food at them, right? At these interlopers.

 **Semperfiona** : Obviously.

 **Canarypods** : Yes.

 **Elle_dubs** : This is starting to sound like Night Vale. "Interlopers!"

 **Klb** : So what does Wei Wuxian do?

 **Sobieru** : Get his flute out and see what comes out. Maybe it'll summon whatever? Or make some student, I don't know... be evil?

 **Mahons_ondine** : Will he keep his flute, though? Because everybody else lost their sword. So wouldn't he lose his flute?

 **Klb** : No, I want him to keep his flute. I want him to keep his flute.

 **Semperfiona** : So he doesn't get a letter jacket either, because he ain't got a sword.

 **Klb** : So he gets his flute out. Which he still has kept, because: as soon as he starts playing his flute, what happens? He's begins a musical number. An "I want" number, I would say. He starts to sing and dance about what he wants in this moment. What is the song? What is it like?

 **Mahons_ondine** : I mean, doesn't he just want to figure out what the fuck is going on?

 **Klb** : I like that. So this is, it's this plaintive musical number that basically comes down to like, [singing] Tell me what the fuck has happened here?

 **Canarypods** : [singing] Why am I in a musical? I don't even like them. 

**Elle_dubs** : [singing] I don't even speak English, and here it is.

 **Sobieru** : [singing] I didn't even know I could sing.

 **Canarypods** : [singing] Holy shit, someone get me out of this stupid thing.

 **Semperfiona** : [singing] Can't we all just get along?

 **Luna** : That was beautiful. 

**Canarypods** : We just made a musical.

 **Klb** : I think this is maybe the first oral not!filk.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Do you think he tries to marshal everybody into like some elaborate dance number behind him?

 **Klb** : I think he doesn't have to try. I think he starts singing, he turns around, and everybody is dancing backup to him.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Except for Lan Zhan.

 **Luna** : No no, he is, he just doesn't know why his body is moving.

 **Semperfiona** : Cause Lan Zhan is playing along. He's playing music too.

 **Sobieru** : He's trying to duet.

 **Klb** : So he sings a song about what the fuck is going on. Has he heard of musicals?

 **Luna** : Probably not. 

**Mahons_ondine** : No.

 **Semperfiona** : No, he thinks it's some sort of magic.

 **Luna** : Yeah, that compels their bodies to work.

 **Canarypods** : [singing] Is there a demon?

 **Klb** : He's heard of magic through music. And he's heard of, yeah, demons and—or, resentful energy, he's heard of. So he's just gonna assume

 **Semperfiona** : he's compelling all these people. He just didn't realize it. Or—he thinks he didn't realize it. Or something.

 **Sobieru** : It's just that high schoolers are so evil, that it's easy to control them through their flute.

 **Semperfiona** : I mean, give us a break. High schoolers are full of resentful energy, you know this.

 **Sobieru** : Yes, exactly!

 **Canarypods** : It's true. As one at the moment, we are full of resentful energy.

 **Klb** : Okay. So he just assumes that he's been carried to this place, this dark place full of resentful energy, where people are attacking him with, does he know? Would he be familiar with mashed potatoes? And the other foods that are getting thrown at— 

**Luna** : No.

 **Semperfiona** : He's constantly asking for potatoes in the burial mounds, so yes, I think so.

 **Klb** : Okay.

 **Luna** : I think he's not familiar with it. But he'll figure out that these are potatoes, and he'll be really into mashed potatoes.

 **Semperfiona** : That was where I was going, yes.

 **Luna** : I think he's going to get back to his world and invent mashed potatoes.

 **Klb** : There's a whole bridge of the song, where he figures out what's going on, that these are potatoes, and he gets really excited to figure out the recipe.

 **Sobieru** : It goes to the tune of [singing] What's this? What's this?

 **Luna** : Exactly, I was going to say! Cue the Jack Skellington song.

 **Canarypods** : [singing] What's this, what's this? Potatoes everywhere. What's this? They're kind of in my hair. 

**Klb** : [singing] So fluffy and so smooth! 

**Canarypods** : [singing] I want this all I just need it now, put it in my mouth.

 **Klb** : So his musical number ends. All of these people who just got transported here, are they going to kind of stick together and figure out what's going on? Or are they going to split up based on their previous alliances? 

**Mahons_ondine** : Split up.

 **Semperfiona** : Yeah, I can't see 'em sticking together, at least initially.

 **Klb** : So what what does Jin Zixun go do?

 **Mahons_ondine** : Fix his hair.

 **Canarypods** : Fix his hair and run from the Chad in the bathroom.

 **Semperfiona** : I was thinking he persisted in his original plan and tried to take down Wei Wuxian.

 **Klb** : Would he find anyone in the high school to ally with to help him with that plan?

 **Sobieru** : Sharpay? 

**Canarypods** : Sharpay and Ryan.

 **Semperfiona** : Loads of jocks, they always hate the musical kids.

 **Canarypods** : This is amazing.

 **Klb** : I feel like Jin Zixuan would also join with the jocks and with his cousin, right?

 **Semperfiona** : I dunno, he didn't like his cousin very much, but. Probably to start, yeah. He's a mostly good dude, if somewhat misguided. 

**Klb** : Okay, so we've got a few people joining the jocks trying to destroy Wei Wuxian. Through what means? Defeating them in the basketball championship? Are we actually still talking about murder here?

 **Sobieru** : I mean, it could go, "Oh I'm thinking of killing Wei Wuxian," and it's like, "Yeah, totally like wrecking him and we're gonna win this so hard." "Yeah, sure. Is that how killing is like in this world? Yeah? Okay, cool. Let's go with that." 

**Klb** : And they'll be like, "Yeah, it's—yeah, we're gonna murder him! Yeah!"

 **Canarypods** : And it's [something] 'cause like, murder? What the hell?

 **Klb** : Right. But they just take it literally. They're like, yeah, that was our plan, to murder him. Excellent. We are allies.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Probably because, I mean, I don't know High School Musical at all. Somehow I have managed to avoid seeing it. But some of their girlfriends are like, super attracted to him from his beautiful, uh, flute playing or whatever.

 **Semperfiona** : Everything. His beautiful everything.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Yeah, his beautiful everything. They're like, "We gotta get that guy. We gotta kill him." And I love how the Jins overhear that and they're like, "Oh, those are our people."

 **Canarypods** : That's incredibly in-character for High School Musical.

 **Semperfiona** : Did we say Su She came with?

 **Klb** : Yes. 

**Mahons_ondine** : Yes.

 **Semperfiona** : 'Cause he's on this team also, if only to manipulate them. 

**Klb** : That's a good point. What—is he trying to manipulate them? What's he trying to get them to do?

 **Mahons_ondine** : He just wants Lan Zhan to love him. 

**Klb** : So true!

 **Semperfiona** : Which requires getting rid of Wei Wuxian. So for that, to that extent they are allied, yes. 

**Mahons_ondine** : True!

 **Canarypods** : Get Your Head in the Game, but they're just talking about murder.

 **Klb** : Right, yes. I'm very invested though in it being a complete misunderstanding, like a complete cultural miscommunication.

 **Semperfiona** : Like yes, it's totally basketball. They're gonna end up doing a huge showdown on the basketball court with, you know, hoops and balls and the whole thing.

 **Sobieru** : I mean, he's gonna be like, "I need to defeat Wei Wuxian no matter what." And it's like, "Yeah, we're gonna defeat him! Yes!" Like, "Uh, yeah, okay, cool. Everybody is gonna do that? Okay. Yeah." Everything is like that, I think.

 **Klb** : Meanwhile, what are Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji and Wen Ning doing in this world, as this whole basketball alliance is forming and bonds are being forged. What are they up to?

 **Sobieru** : I think the band kids would get them, like, "Ooh, where did you get that?" And they'd be just hanging out and talking about music first, and then they're like, "Wait a second. We don't even know we're here—what we're here for! Hang on!"

 **Canarypods** : And they have this whole Welcome to the School Musical number performed by the band geeks.

 **Semperfiona** : Yes, absolutely. The "How wonderful is music, and we we love you because you play music, and welcome to our school." Yeah.

 **Klb** : Yeah, and I do feel like that would—them being in band would lead to them getting involved within the the school's musical.

 **Semperfiona** : Oh, yeah. They're both—they're all very dramatic.

 **Canarypods** : Totally.

 **Sobieru** : Oh wait, oh my god, I just thought of something. What if they go there and they're playing for Sharpay and Ryan, and suddenly they're like, oh, wait a second. How was that, Lan Zhan? Can you repeat that? And suddenly they're dueting, and suddenly they kind of end up being cast in the musical accidentally, you know, like Troy and Gabriella did.

 **Canarypods** : It's the Troy and Gabriella rivalry, but instead it's those two guys.

 **Sobieru** : And Troy and Gabriella are like two seconds late and they're like, "Oops, I guess that's not us."

 **Klb** : Right, they're like, "Oh, wrong room, I guess." And then they go and they join the AV club. And they have a whole romantic plotline related to the AV club.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Is this like a modern AU, and then they get swept into a modern musical? Or are we talking, like, historical era? You know, well, fake historical era, Untamed, that they somehow get swept into a modern musical.

 **Semperfiona** : That was where we started.

 **Klb** : Yeah, I was thinking the latter because—

 **Mahons_ondine** : That's what I thought we were doing. But I don't know how much—I feel like if we do that, it makes no sense, because mostly they'd be running around talking about like, how the lights are magic? 

**Semperfiona** : The whole being swept into the musical, I think, maybe brings cultural knowledge with it, that doesn't stick with you when you go back, maybe? But you fall into a movie, you believe you belong in that world.

 **Klb** : I'm willing to handwave that they just think it's magic, and they're like, "Yeah, magic exists in our world, so it makes sense to me." And they think that all these high schoolers are just like, pretty good, you know, at various types of—I mean, they think that these high schoolers have like a ton of resentful energy, which is accurate, right? And so they probably think that they're using like, what's it called? What do they always accuse Wei Wuxian of using? Tricks?

 **Sobieru** : Demonic cultivation?

 **Klb** : Right. They think the whole high school is using demonic cultivation to make electricity and all this stuff go, I think. So they don't worry too much about it.

 **Sobieru** : Yeah, they're probably like, "Oh, no wonder the lights are so bright. There's so much resentful energy. It's a great resource of energy, I believe."

 **Klb** : Right, like, kind of scary, because all of these people are going to have, you know, terrible consequences to them. But like, you know, that's, that's why—in fact, poor Lan Zhan is probably very worried for them.

Okay, so they joined band, they're cast in the musical by accident, as romantic leads against each other.

 **Semperfiona** : And won't that flip their little wigs?

 **Mahons_ondine** : Would Lan Zhan agree to do it right away?

 **Sobieru** : I mean, it's with Wei Wuxian, why wouldn't he?

 **Klb** : I feel like Lan Zhan is constantly feeling the urge to sing, like the *intense* urge to sing. But is like tamping it down because he has very good self control.

 **Mahons_ondine** : See, the fact that Lan Zhan I don't think would be like, super excited about singing is why I was wondering if he would accept being cast as a lead or if he tried to be like, "Can I just do lights, guys? Can I just—can I be like the tech guy?" And then like in the 11th hour has to step in as the understudy or something. And has like a fantastic voice.

 **Canarypods** : But he somehow knows every single line and lyric despite—

 **Mahons_ondine** : Yes. Well, you do when you do a show, because you listen to everybody else.

 **Sobieru** : And Wei Wuxian probably asked him to rehearse, so.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Yeah. 

**Canarypods** : And then they almost kiss during the rehearsing process.

 **Mahons_ondine** : And Wei Wuxian tries—like teases him, and is like, "We should practice the kiss!"

 **Canarypods** : And it's like, "No."

 **Semperfiona** : "Oh yes, kiss practice!" 

**Mahons_ondine** : And Lan Zhan is like, "Mn."

 **Sobieru** : "You know, for science. I mean, uh, theater, whatever this is."

 **Mahons_ondine** : And then of course Lan Zhan does the thing with his face. And Wei Wuxian is like, "Oh, I'm just kidding. Ha, ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha."

 **Sobieru** : But his ears are pink.

 **Klb** : Nevermind, he's not tamping down on the desire to sing. Just every time he feels the urge overtake him. He's like, "I gotta go work on the lights," and he runs to the lighting booth and sings musical numbers by himself up there.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Oh my god, yes.

 **Semperfiona** : Yes, absolutely!

 **Canarypods** : As a former light kid who did that, it's accurate. I used to do that 24/7.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Oh my god.

 **Klb** : And Wei Wuxian, completely oblivious, is just like, "He really cares about getting the lights right! What a great—" You know. Anyway, so like every time they're running—

 **Mahons_ondine** : And there's like this great counterpoint at some point of him in the lighting booth singing this song, and Wei Wuxian on stage seeing some other song, and, awww.

 **Sobieru** : And turns into a duet.

 **Elle_dubs** : Yes, it's a duet they don't know what's happening. 

**Mahons_ondine** : Exactly!

 **Klb** : That's so—Yes, it's a duet! Yeah, it's just like, every time they're running lines, and it starts to get too emotional—they have like flirty moments between them—suddenly Lan Zhan will be like, "I just got an idea for how to light the scene" and run away. And Wei Wuxian will sit there, and then they'll sing a duet without realizing it.

 **Mahons_ondine** : And Wei Wuxian will tease him and be like, Hey, we should practice the kiss scene. And Lan Zhan—and as I was saying before you got back—Lan Zhan's face does what Lan Zhan's face does. And Wei Wuxian is like, "Oh, I'm just kidding. Hahahahaha." And Lan Zhan's like "Mark your words" and walks off.

 **Klb** : "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, sorry, sorry."

 **Mahons_ondine** : Yeah.

 **Sobieru** : But then they could kiss and Lan Zhan would sing I Kissed Wei Ying to the tune of I Kissed a Girl. I'm just saying that because I wrote that filk. So check it out.

 **Mahons_ondine** : [singing] I kissed Wei Ying

 **Semperfiona** : [singing] and I liked it

 **Klb** : But more enthusiastic than that. Like that's the first verse. And then by the end, it's like [singing] "It was awesome!" "And I loved it." They're just extremely effusive and both singing finally a duet where they can hear each other and completely floored that the other person is singing along to the same level of enthusiasm.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Would that happen, though, this early in the musical? 

**Klb** : Well, I was imagining that this was after some months. I'm sort of going back and forth between what's happening in two different subplots.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Okay 

**Klb** : So you know, during the months when the jocks are like preparing for the big game—how are the jocks planning to get Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan to play basketball against them?

 **Semperfiona** : You know way Wei Wuxian, all they really have to do is dare him.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Oh, to raise money for the musical! Like an exhibition game or something.

 **Klb** : Oh, that's irresistable. Yeah.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Also, perhaps this "I kissed Wei Ying and I liked it" moment happens when Wei Ying is like, I dunno, he's drunk or something, or he, you know, magically loses his memory like immediately afterwards. And then Lan Zhan can feel bad about it 'cause Wei Ying pretends it didn't happen and he doesn't know, y'know.

 **Semperfiona** : Oh sure, get him hit on the head with a basketball. That'd knock him out and make him lose this memory for a little while.

 **Klb** : Yes. Yeah, in fact and they have that scene, and then the the jocks just being, like, jerks, walk in, throw a basketball at Wei Ying's head to get his attention, and it knocks the memory out of him, because by now he's like, deep into musical logic. So that can happen. Just the memory of like having sung that song.

 **Semperfiona** : And maybe the kiss itself?

 **Klb** : Yes, and the kiss that preceded it.

 **Elle_dubs** : So I'm kind of thinking about how we're saying this is over some months. So do you think there's like a football field that just has a bunch of tents set up for them to live in? Because like otherwise, are they just sleeping underneath desks? Like,

 **Mahons_ondine** : This is a musical. This is like a movie musical. Nobody has homes, like you leave the school grounds and you just sort of disappear.

 **Klb** : Yeah, musical logic. And I think they don't realize the musical logic for a while. So they don't notice that, like, they leave a scene. And then they're in the next scene, and they haven't gone home to sleep in between.

 **Sobieru** : Yeah, they could be like, "Oh, I'm so tired. Oh, my God," and then they blink and it's like, "Oh, great, new day! Oh, I feel great!"

 **Klb** : Yes.

 **Semperfiona** : And nobody ever actually eats unless there's a reason for a scene in the cafeteria, and we already had that one. 

**Klb** : Correct.

 **Mahons_ondine** : But they have [something] so they don't even realize it.

 **Klb** : Also, I want to say there's some, like, training-montage-type scenes. And they do not catch on, because they're so swept up in musical logic, they do not catch on immediately to the fact that this is a training montage, and it hasn't actually been months. In fact, let's say it's actually been like 20 minutes but, because of musical logic, months of musical time have passed. Who would realize first that there's something deeply wrong and time isn't working the way it should?

 **Sobieru** : I feel like it would be Lan Zhan. And then Wei Wuxian would be like, "Oh, wait, I just had a discovery!" and Lan Zhan would be like, "Yeah, I knew that like the second we came here?" 

I know what Wen Ning was doing, he was kidnapped by the art club. And he's a model there, because he is an expert of nonmoving.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Yeah. 

**Klb** : Oh my god.

 **Semperfiona** : Perfect. He's a still life. 

**Mahons_ondine** : Well, and they love him. They think he's the greatest.

 **Klb** : Yeah, he's adored.

 **Semperfiona** : But I do feel that when they have the climactic basketball game, that Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan would have dragged him onto their team, because he's gonna follow them around anyway, whenever he gets the chance. And he's good at everything athletic, right?

 **Klb** : Yeah, he would definitely be an important player in that game.

 **Mahons_ondine** : But all of his like, cool emo art friends are like, pretending not to care about the game, but get really excited.

 **Semperfiona** : But they all buy tickets and come because he's playing.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Exactly. 

**Klb** : Yeah, there's a there's a whole cheering section that's just, like, got signs. They each have like one letter each that spells out Wen Ning, and they hold it all up and they're like, they're more enthusiastic than anyone.

 **Sobieru** : And they have a very realistic portrait of Wen Ning in a very, very big sign. I would love to see that.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Did he post naked for it?

 **Semperfiona** : I'm afraid this is high school. There's no naked posing in high school.

 **Klb** : That does seem like that would be inappropriate for high school. That's a good point.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Who know, it's also a musical. It's also a movie.

 **Semperfiona** : Its a *Disney* musical!

 **Klb** : Nothing happens here that is, you know, not appropriate for Disney.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Disney made, like, dick jokes all the time.

 **Klb** : Well in Disney Channel Original Movies that I've seen, usually you get one kiss, between the romantic leads. So.

 **Mahons_ondine** : True.

 **Klb** : So we've got that one climactic kiss planned, that's figured out. All right, so they're having the basketball game. How does it go?

 **Semperfiona** : No one knows anything about basketball, apparently.

 **Sobieru** : That's what I was gonna say. 

**Canarypods** : Hi. I'm the one who knows a bit of basketball stuff.

 **Semperfiona** : I used to, I used to follow it, but it's been a long, long time.

 **Sobieru** : The ball goes and comes and it goes through the basket. Woo.

 **Canarypods** : So probably... wait, who's on the team again?

 **Elle_dubs** : I think Wei Ying probably gets in trouble for lots of traveling because he doesn't understand he has to dribble the ball. He's just like, "I've got this, guys."

 **Canarypods** : And then halfway through, there's an interference made, and everybody's just looking at him like "Dude. Dude, no. No. You gotta stop." He gets red carded out of the game instantly.

 **Mahons_ondine** : I would assume he eventually Jin Zixun like, fouls him. Fouls on him? I don't know what the terminology is—like he commits a foul against him. And then he gets to do a three point free throw.

 **Canarypods** : Unnecessary roughness. 

**Mahons_ondine** : Yeah, unnecessary roughness.

 **Semperfiona** : Well, that's not what it's called. But yeah, it's a thing, go on.

 **Klb** : Right, because they are still just waiting to figure out when the murder part of this is going to happen. But they're like playing the game until then. But yeah, they would probably be rougher than is allowed. Because this, to them, is still their plan to literally kill these people. 

**Sobieru** : Wait, wait, wait, I was thinking, what if, actually, Jin Zixun was on the bench all the time. Because he's actually terrible. And he couldn't get there and kill Wei Wuxian like he planned. But then the coach is like, "You know why? Yeah, get in there, we have someone injured. Whatever."

 **Klb** : Yes. And the second he gets in, he immediately gets himself, he immediately fouls or whatever.

 **Semperfiona** : That's when he hits Wei Ying with the basketball in the head, because that would definitely be a foul. Especially because they could see he did it on purpose.

 **Canarypods** : Yes, he gets knocked out.

 **Semperfiona** : And that takes Wei Ying out of the game as well, obviously, because now he's injured.

 **Klb** : But as soon as Wei Ying is out of the game, Lan Zhan gets very intense. Because he's very upset that Wei Ying got hurt, and therefore suddenly sort of unleashes his full basketball potential. And he and Wen Ning are an absolute unstoppable duo.

 **Semperfiona** : Oh, yeah, absolutely. He's suddenly realizes how he can channel cultivation into basketball. And you can't see the end of Lan Zhan now.

 **Klb** : And I like that because I feel like Lan Zhan and Wen Ning didn't really get much bonding, and I think it would be nice for them to have some like bonding moments. The one moment they did really get to bond in the show was over, you know, protecting Wei Wuxian, and so, same thing.

 **Semperfiona** : It is a characteristic they share.

 **Mahons_ondine** : There is I mean there's a lot in fandom of people—of Lan Zhan not loving Wen Ning because Wen Ning is like maybe a little bit in love with Wei Wuxian? And he gets a little jealous of that. But I guess here like that wouldn't really [something].

 **Klb** : Well, in this moment, I feel they could sing a duet together. While absolutely wrecking the other team in basketball.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Yes.

 **Semperfiona** : Suddenly the jocks that that thought they were going to win this game no problem are feeling very very betrayed. Do they turn on the Jins now?

 **Klb** : Can you defect in the middle of a basketball game? I guess in a musical you can.

 **Semperfiona** : You can refuse to go into the game. You can walk off the court. You can get kicked off the team. Oh yeah, you can.

 **Klb** : No, they all, they all take their shirts off and join the other—they like put on uniforms for the other team that they pull out from under a bench somewhere, and they all join the other team mid-game.

 **Sobieru** : And then Jin Zixuan actually changes his uniform for a cheerleading uniform. I don't know, I see him as that.

 **Semperfiona** : And now the only one left is Jin Zixun. And he, um—

 **Mahons_ondine** : Well, what about Su She? 

**Semperfiona** : —gets pretty much obliterated. The scoreboard goes... And eventually he's just gonna have to walk away in shame. Oh, no.

 **Klb** : And then that's the point at which he and Su She go off to like plot some like, real murder. Like they're taking it into their own hands this time, and they go off to make like a true evil scheme. But I don't know how good their evil scheme would be without, like, a mastermind behind them. Because they never, we never really see them without having someone else pulling their strings in the show.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Right. I'm thinking very poor.

 **Sobieru** : Yeah, maybe they go around the school looking for whatever they could use to murder Wei Wuxian. And I guess they could try like making poison or something? And they're like, "Why? Why don't we have the right ingredients?" And someone comes in like, "This is a high school."

 **Semperfiona** : So they end up in detention for stealing chemicals from the chemistry classroom.

 **Klb** : Yes. Yes they do.

 **Mahons_ondine** : I would love it if they tried to make booby traps 

**Klb** : all around the school 

**Mahons_ondine** : and Wei Wuxian just like steps over them.

 **Klb** : There could be a whole tap number where Wei Wuxian just like tap dances around all the booby traps. And Lan Zhan just stands there watching him.

 **Canarypods** : Has this just become has just become an Untamed, High School Musical, and Home Alone fusion? 

**Mahons_ondine** : Yes.

 **Semperfiona** : Yes, yes it has.

 **Mahons_ondine** : If it hadn't before, now it has.

 **Klb** : That's what happens when you take the evil mastermind away.

 **Canarypods** : Someone has to say, "Beat that, you filthy animals."

 **Mahons_ondine** : I don't think you'd have any problem getting Wei Wuxian to say that.

 **Semperfiona** : None whatsoever.

 **Sobieru** : He will definitely say that.

 **Canarypods** : My Home Alone brain had to put that line in somewhere.

 **Klb** : So are we going to assume that just like in the film Teen Beach Movie, this cannot last? And if they stay, they will begin to like, stop existing and disappear from reality?

 **Mahons_ondine** : Is that what happens in the movie? Okay, yes.

 **Klb** : Yeah, like in Teen Beach Movie, they have to get back to reality before they disappear. Like **Canarypods** said, there's a moment when the girl gets dipped in the water and her hair—she comes out in her hair's still dry. And so like musical logic is starting to apply to her body and they realize that they will stop existing, if—

 **Elle_dubs** : Well, so, we have musical logic applying to Wei Ying with the basketball hitting him in the head. So what if at some point like they have—Lan Zhan and Wei Ying have a confrontation where they talk about, like, "And we had this kiss and you don't even remember it," and Wei Ying's like, "What? Oh my god, it's the musical, it's out to get us." And then he like puts all of his genius towards getting out.

 **Klb** : So they realize that they have to get back. What do they do?

 **Mahons_ondine** : They Mary-Poppins it and like chalk-draw their way into their old lives.

 **Canarypods** : They try to get Troy and Gabriella—they fake being out of the musical and try to get Troy and Gabriella to become the leads.

 **Klb** : [gasp] Wait! Yes, I love that, they have to get this musical back on track and get Troy and Gabriella in. But also, they got into this because of the music that Su She played.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Right.

 **Klb** : So the only way to get back to their reality is to convince him to play that same tune again. So they have to get him on board with helping them all by doing this. And that means he has the power to not do it and they will all die. So that's a bit of drama.

 **Semperfiona** : What—would—if he played it just for himself, would he go back by himself? I bet he tries.

 **Canarypods** : He tries and fails. 

**Klb** : It only works—Okay, I got it then. Because in the moment when they got transported, Wei Wuxian was playing his melody and Su She played this melody. It only works if both of them are playing at the same time.

 **Semperfiona** : Yes. And it only works if they're all there together. So they have to bring back the Jins, too. They can't leave them behind. They can't leave Su She behind.

 **Canarypods** : Would you say they're all in this together?

 **Semperfiona** : Yes, they have to sing We're All in This Together. That's, like, the final melody. 

**Elle_dubs** : Perfect! 

**Canarypods** : With the dance moves!

 **Klb** : So they convince Su She from self interest, right? Like it's established that if he could get away, and they all die, he would definitely do that. But if it comes down to his life or death, he's going to do the thing that he survives.

 **Semperfiona** : Yes, absolutely.

 **Klb** : So this takes place in... detention? Or the cafeteria, where are we going to be?

 **Semperfiona** : Back where we started: cafeteria. But if you want to say detention is served in the cafeteria, I would agree with that.

 **Klb** : Just in case it matters, which it doesn't, but just in case because they're not sure, they've gotta start a food fight. 

**Semperfiona** : Like that's difficult. 

**Klb** : Right. Okay, so they play the music, and they get transported back. To the moment that they left. But perhaps they've learned and grown. So how do things go differently now that they have spent, you know, an hour/about six months of musical time inside of this musical?

 **Sobieru** : I think for starters, they would all know that Su She was the one that tried to kill Jin Zixuan. And Wei Ying and Lan Zhan get together and in all this dramatic scene as well, like "I didn't know how, how couldn't you tell me?" or whatever. And Lan Zhan is like, "Wei Ying, I'm so obvious. How did you not know? Did I have to sing to you for you to know?" And Wei Ying is like, "Oh, yeah, maybe I had—you maybe had to do that." 

**Klb** : And then Lan Zhan immediately starts singing the song again.

 **Sobieru** : And it's WanXian.

 **Klb** : It absolutely is. And it was the whole time.

 **Semperfiona** : I think everybody gets out of this whole fiasco alive.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Yeah. 

**Klb** : Well, that's the power of musicals.

 **Semperfiona** : What I really want to know is whether Su She reforms himself. Does he rat on Jin Guangyao?

 **Klb** : I think Su She—this is so dumb, feel free to override this—but I just got this image that Su She, wanting only like recognition and respect, has realized that he's quite a good basketball player. And, obviously, there's not basketball, but sort of devotes himself towards sports-based prestige, and becomes quite famous that way, and therefore works out a lot of his issues through getting respect via athletic accomplishment.

 **Elle_dubs** : What if he and Wen Ning team up and form the first basketball league? Because Wen Ning was really good, too?

 **Semperfiona** : Yeah, I mean, they can invent basketball.

 **Klb** : So they brought back two things from their experience: basketball and mashed potatoes.

 **Sobieru** : Yeah.

 **Canarypods** : All's fair in basketball and mashed potatoes. 

**Semperfiona** : And if we didn't have such an excellent title already, Basketball and Mashed Potatoes is a pretty good one.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Is the final image of this whole thing, like, Wei Wuxian like, lovingly staring at Lan Zhan while eating a giant pile of mashed potatoes?

 **Semperfiona** : Covered in red chili oil, don't forget.

 **Mahons_ondine** : Yes, covered in chili. 

**Canarypods** : The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Now transcribed! There's about 2 additional minutes of audio at the end that's not transcribed, if you want to listen that far, because the transcription program I used capped at 40 minutes and it seemed like a good stopping place anyway. The last two minutes are a sort of teaser for Basketball and Mashed Potatoes 2 :)


End file.
